Therapy is now in session
The characters of The Hope Legacy and Cora Roberts have issues. They attend weekly meetings with Adaline to thrash out what's on their minds and hopefully lead them to fruitful relationships... or at the very least, less violent ones.
Me - Let’s welcome our new members to the group, Cora And Hudson.
Cora - Don’t say that like we’re together.
Me - I would never presume.
Hudson - Of course not, the little witch thinks she’s above me.
Natia - Dude, if she says you’re not together, then you’re not together. It takes two to tango.
Archan - If the man wants to claim her, don’t get in the way. Shifters are possessive.
Natia - Are you freakin’ kidding me?
Me - This is about expressing how we feel, use I statements rather than attacking another member of the group.
Hudson - I feel like claiming Cora.
Me - That’s not what I mean.
Cora - and I feel like you are stuck in fantasy land.
Natia - I feel like the males in this room don’t listen.
Me - 🤦♀️
Archan - I feel that you need to listen to me.
Me - That’s good Archan, you don’t feel like Natia listens to you?
Natia - He’s in my head, woman! Do you know how that feels?
Me - Actually, yes.
Cora - Hudson needs to back off and go back to the pack. He’s trespassing on my land and my emotions.
Hudson - Cora needs to own up to her own emotions and admit she wants me.
Me - Sit down, Hudson. Can we come back to the I statements?
Archan - We got past that with Natia, her problem is running into danger and not sharing her idiotic plans.
Me - No? Okay.
Natia - Because you’d stop me.
Me - 🍿🍿 🍿🍿🍿
Cora - They think we owe them every single facet of our lives.
Natia - Right? Yet they won’t even tell us what they are!
Cora - I know what he is.
Natia - What?
Cora - Impossible.
Natia - 😂
Hudson - I’m not staying for this.
Archan - Agreed. <disappears>
Hudson - Well, fuck me. What is he?
Natia - I’m still figuring it out.
Me - 😏
Me - Welcome everyone, let’s get started. For homework I asked you to bring a song which would depict how you feel about your relationship, and for clarity I have a talking stick, only the person holding the stick can talk. <Hands stick to Cora>
Cora - Wait, what? We have to share with the group?
Me - That’s the point of group therapy.
Archan - Is it too late to change mine?
Natia - Why? Your feelings for me not good enough to be on show for the group? 🤨
Archan - No, but I’m a private man.
Natia - fine, I’ll change mine.
Archan - 🤨 Okay fine, we stay the course.
Me - Great, now that’s settled. Cora?
Cora - (🎶Never gonna get it, never gonna get it🎶)
Cora - In case you missed the point, I’m telling you that you ain’t ever getting me.
Hudson - We will see.
Cora - You’ll see nothing.
Hudson - Next time we roll around half naked on your bedroom floor with our tongues warring, I’ll remind you of this.
Natia - When was this?
Archan - Stay out of it woman. I’ve told you, shifters bite, they are only one step above Neanderthals.
Cora - Word.
Hudson - I have more self control than that.
Natia - Archan, it’s you who bites!
Me - Biting is not appropriate, we aren’t two year olds. Also, use the talking stick.
Archan - <snaps fingers - talking stick appears in his hand> The bite represents a claim.
Hudson - Now who’s a Neanderthal?
Me - Let’s all calm down. Archan, would you like to share your song whilst you are holding the stick?
Archan - (🎶ain’t no sunshine when she’s gone...🎶)
Natia - 😳
Cora - 🥰
Hudson - 🙄 Get.A.Room.
Me - That’s very insightful, you sound lost without Natia.
Archan - <throws stick at Natia>
Natia - I erm...
Me - Time for you to share, Natia.
Natia - 😬
Archan - What’s wrong? Cat got your tongue? I can help with that.
Natia - 🙄 (🎶Love me like you do🎶)
Archan - So you submit to me?
Natia - 🤔 How’d you get that from a love song?
Archan - It’s from a movie about submitting.
Me - Don’t forget to use the stick.
Natia - You’ve watched Fifty Shades? 😂
Cora - Wow, what have you let yourself in for? Perhaps you should have asked for one of those contracts? Hard limits and all that.
Me - Stick? Anybody?
Archan - It’s my job to push her limits.
Me - That’s a no to the stick then?
Natia - I already know his tastes are on the kinky side.
Archan - Her shoulder isn’t the only place I’ve bitten.
Natia - 😳
Hudson - Too much information. Plus finding out what makes your partner tick in the bedroom is half the fun.
Cora - Unless she’s into fur and fangs, I’d say you’re shit out of luck.
Hudson - You weren’t complaining.
Me - Okayyyy... let’s bring this back to topic. Natia, it sounds like a declaration of being open and vulnerable for the man you love?
Natia - Sure, let’s go with that.
Me - You don’t agree?
Natia - Adaline, this is your head. If you say I’m open and vulnerable to Archan, then I must be.
Me - Great-
Natia - But just so we are clear, I’m not vulnerable. I can be strong and open at the same time.
Me - Okay. Got it.
Natia - I mean, you don’t have to be vulnerable to be in love, right?
Me - 👀
Cora - I think maybe, yes?
Archan - I agree with Natia, you don’t need to be vulnerable to be in love.
Hudson - Sure, you do. How can you be 100% in love and not be vulnerable? You are giving the other person the power to crush your soul.
Archan - ......
Natia - ......
Me - Annndddd finally, Hudson could you share your song please?
Hudson - (🎶 See beneath your beautiful 🎶)
Cora - 😳
Natia - 🥰
Archan - 🤢
Bad Life Choices
Me - You’re all late. The session started 30 minutes ago.
Cora - Sorry, Adaline, we got held up.
Me - Doing what?
Natia - <goes to sit and misses, landing on the floor> Shopping?
Me - When you answer like it’s a question, I know you are lying.
Natia - I can’t lie.
Me - What did you shop for?
Archan and Hudson stumble into the room, bumping into each other whilst laughing.
Me - Are you drunk?
Archan - Don’t be silly, woman, I don’t get drunk.
Hudson - We’re drunk.
Me - This is pointless. We can reschedule for tomorrow.
Cora <pulls bucket of popcorn from bag, opens it and offers Natia some>
Hudson - Where’s my yummy treat?
Cora - 🙄 Your yummy treat is probably waiting for you in your bed - the one back at the pack!
Natia - Oooh he’s still driving you nuts on your land?
Cora - He prowls the grounds at crazy assed times of the night. He quizzes the delivery people like he’s from the FBI. He’s suspicious, possessive and an asshole.
Hudson - I do not act like I’m from the FBI.
Cora - What about that Tom?
Hudson - 😬
Natia - What happened with Tom?
<Door bangs open and in strolls Lucifer>
Natia - Lulu!
Lucifer - Good evening, everyone, let’s get this party started.
Me - What are you doing here?
Lucifer - I’m here to ensure they behave, they’ve been drinking in my club.
Me - <glares at the gang> Seriously?
Natia - Snitches get stitches.
Lucifer - Temptress, the only one getting stitches will be you as you fall on your own ass aided by nothing but your inability to take your alcohol like a real man.
Natia - I’m not a real man, I’m all woman.
Lucifer - Noted. You’ve been naked enough for me to know you have dimples on the bottom of your back.
Archan - What? He’s seen you naked?
Lucifer - Who hasn’t?
Cora - Me.
Hudson - Because we exist in separate worlds.
Cora - But we are here now. No reason she can’t be naked in whatever wacked out place we are in.
Me - That would be my head.
Natia - Are you suggesting I get naked?
Archan - Absolutely not.
Cora - Yes.
Lucifer - <leans back and crosses his ankles - evil smirk firmly in place> My work here is done.
Natia - That would just be weird to take my clothes off.
Archan - Natia prefers to be naked by circumstance, not by her own free will.
Cora - I’ll get naked with you if it makes you feel better.
Me - 🤦♀️
Hudson - Pass the popcorn.
Cora - No, it’s mine.
Hudson - Where are you going to stash it, little witch? You’re about to get naked in order to see another woman naked.
Me - No nakedness.
Hudson - Wait, is that why you won’t be with me? You like women?
Cora - 🙄 Because the only possible reason I’m not rolling on my back and spreading my legs for you is because I prefer women?
Hudson - I don’t have a preference for you being on your back.
Cora - That’s not what I meant.
Hudson - Against the wall, on your knees—hell, you can be on top if you prefer.
Cora - There’s a special word for you.
Hudson - Ooh what? Alpha? Delicious? Sexy?
Cora - Conceited.
Natia - He’s sexy too though.
Cora - Yes, but he knows it.
Natia - Yeah, I have one of those. <jumps up and starts dancing whilst breaking out into “I’m too sexy for my shirt” and shimmying it off over her shoulders>
Archan - 🙄 This is how she ends up naked.
Why Have Enemies When You Can Have Friends Like These?
Me - Welcome newcomers, you’re each here as an advocate for your friend. Let’s get introductions done. Natia, you go first.
Natia - This is Duncan, my best friend and he’s a warlock.
Cora - Warlock? Is that like a witch?
Duncan - No.
Natia - Touchy subject.
Me - Now you, Cora.
Cora - This is Sebastian, my oldest friend, he’s a vampire prince.
Natia - You drink blood?
Natia - You drink her blood?
Hudson - Touchy subject.
Me - Now you, Hudson.
Hudson - This is Dave, chief of security.
Archan - You expecting a fight?
Dave - No, but you can never be too careful. If these two want to hash it out, that’s mate business.
Cora - There is no mate business, because there is no mate.
Me - And finally, Archan.
Archan - This is Zac, head of security.
Hudson - Huh.
Archan - what?
Hudson - We both brought protection against the women we want. Not sure what that says about us.
Zac - That you can’t be trusted to think with your brains rather than your balls.
Dave - That’s right, we are the brains.
Cora - Not the B word I would associate with you.
Dave - And what B word would you use, undertaker?
Cora - Bread.
Natia - Ohh bread 🤤
Duncan - Undertaker?
Cora - An unfortunate nickname some buffoon came up with. That’s it!
Hudson - What’s it?
Cora - Buffoon, that’s your B word, Dave.
Natia - Good one. My nickname is Locks.
Me - If we can just get back to why we are here?
Archan - I don’t have a nickname.
Zac - Me either, we are gods, above nicknames.
Natia - 😳
Archan - 😳
Zac - What? I don’t have a nickname.
Everyone - .......
Zac - 🤨
Me - Zac, take your seat please. There’s no nickname.
Natia - It’s not bad.
Me - 🤦♀️
Archan - It’s nothing to do with me.
Zac - JUST SPIT IT OUT.
Natia - It’s informative.
Zac - I swear to the creator, woman... if you do not-
Natia - Paddy Waddy Zaccy.
Zac - 😤
Cora - 🤣
Zac - I do not have paddies.
Me - Right, moving on. The idea here is that your advocates can see things about you that you may not recognise. Perhaps give you an insight into your relationship issues.
Natia - So, they are doing your job?
Me - What? No.
Natia - But you're the pseudo therapist who’s having group meetings with fictional characters in your head.
Cora - Yeah, maybe you should be in therapy.
Duncan - Stop picking on Adaline.
Me - Thank you, Duncan.
Sebastian - You know you just thanked yourself, right?
Me - Would you like to survive book 2?
Natia - 😬
Archan - I know you are newish to Adaline’s world, but she’s a ruthless monster with no hang ups on sacrificing a main character.
Hudson - How main?
Natia - 🥶
Me - If it’s necessary for the plot, I won’t hesitate.
Hudson - And what do you think that says about you?
Me - Nothing.
Dave - 🤔
Me - What?
Zac - I think it says you are a psycho taking out your issues on unsuspecting characters in your books.
Me - Again, do you want to survive book 3?
Zac - At this point I’d be surprised if anyone survives.
Me - 🙄
Cora - Maybe you should bring a friend next time, Adaline?
Me - Errr no.
Zac - Why, because you have none?
Me - Do you know what the delete key does on a keyboard?
Natia - Gets rid of bad decisions?
Hudson - Yeah, and replace them with worse ones.
Sebastian - Speaking of bad decisions, I heard a rumour about Dave and Adaline.
Me - Sebastian, back away from the gossip.
Dave - 😏
Cora - Ohhh what?
Natia - Yeah, spill the beans.
Archan - Anything that can be used as blackmail to return Natia to me will be greatly rewarded.
Me - Sebastian...
Cora - Rewarded like how?
Archan - You want Hudson off your property?
Cora - Yup.
Hudson - Liar.
Archan - Consider it done.
Hudson - Try it, buddy, and those pretty feathers of yours will be lining my pillow tonight.
Sebastian - So Dave is apparently based off Adaline’s actual husband.
Cora - 😮
Hudson - 🤣
Natia - 🤔
Archan - 🙄
Duncan - 😤
Me - Duncan, what’s wrong?
Duncan - Nothing.
Natia - Dude, you can’t huff and not tell her.
Me - Tell me what?
Duncan - I thought I was your fictional husband.
Me - Oh erm 😬
Dave - Nope, that’s me. 😏
Hudson - Your husband grows fur and howls at the moon?
Me - 🤷♀️
David - Only on weekends.
Hudson - Why he is here?
Cora - Where’s adaline?
Lucifer - On vacation.
Natia - Ohh anywhere nice?
Lucifer - I have no idea. Some Scottish hideaway.
Cora - Aww how romantic.
Hudson - I can take you a Scottish castle.
Cora - Nooo thank you. Please feel free to pack your suitcase and move there, on your own.
Archan - So we get to skip therapy this week?
Lucifer - Absolutely not. We are doing therapy the devil style.
Natia - 🤦♀️
Cora - What’s the devil style?
Lucifer - Tell me your darkest desires.
Cora - Did he just reference from The Lucifer show?
Lucifer - Nonsense, he stole it from me.
Cora - Wow, that’s quite the ego.
Natia - Yes, well that’s the thing-
Hudson - Dude, you’ve let that name go to your head; every second baby is called Lucifer now.
Natia - That would be all the males then?
Cora - That’s where you stole that line from, admit it. You are a wannabe Lucifer.
Lucifer - <Rises to his feet. Unbuttons his suit jacket, drops it to the floor, followed by his shirt>.
Archan - Brother, there’s no need for theatrics.
Cora - Is this naked thing a problem with all of you guys in the Hope Legacy?
Lucifer - <pure white wings explode from his back lifting him off the ground>.
Cora - Fuck me. 😮
Hudson - Holy Shit. 🤯
Natia - That’s what I was trying to tell you 🤦♀️
Cora - You’re the devil.
Lucifer - The one and only. 😉
Hudson - I need a drink.
Lucifer - Afterwards. We will first discuss your darkest desires.
Cora - 😂😂😂😂
Lucifer - What’s funny?
Cora - I just… you can’t just say that line and keep a straight face. You’re the devil.
Lucifer - Exactly.
Cora - 🤣🤣🤣🤣
Natia - 🤣🤣🤣🤣 can’t breathe 🤣🤣🤣🤣
Lucifer - at this point I’m not sure I want to know the darkest desires of you two. You’re nuts. There’s no helping you, I’ll tell Adaline my conclusion.
Cora - You will do no such thing. It’s the only thing keeping me sane whilst Adaline dawdles writing the final Hope book.
Natia - Pinky promise Lulu, I need this session with my girl Cora. 🥺
Lucifer - Fine, she’s back next week anyway. She can deal with your crazy asses.
Hudson - What exactly was this session about?
Lucifer - Telling me your darkest desires.
Hudson - <snaps fingers at Archan> Pay up.
Archan - He said it twice.
Cora - Nope definitely three times.
Natia - Pay the man, Archan, you lost the bet.
Lucifer - Bet?
Natia - Sorry, Lulu, we bet Hudson couldn’t get you to say that line three times.
Lucifer - What line?
Natia - Are you being serious?
Lucifer - What line? 🤨
Natia - Tell me your darkest desires.
Lucifer - <snaps fingers at Archan>. Pay up, brother, I got her to say it.
Natia - 😳
Therapy Session 5
Therapy Session 6
Me - Let’s talk about sex.
Zee - Baby.
Natia - Let’s talk about you and.
Me - no no no. 🤦♀️
Zee - Let’s talk about all the good things and the bad-
Me - Stop. For the love of… <looks at Archan> just stop.
Cora - Who invited the freaky guy?
Zee - Have we met? 😏
Me - The session is about sex, I couldn’t keep him out.
Zee - I am the expert.
Natia - How? Of all the people here you’ve got the least amount of action.
Hudson - Even I got a fumble and a kiss.
Archan - Myself and Natia beat you all.
Cora - Yeah yeah big guy you got the big kahonas. 🙄
Me - If we can just focus for a second.
Hudson - If you’d care to inspect I’m sure I would measure up.
Natia - I can grab a ruler if you like?
Me - No rulers.
Zee - I am but a mortal, but I outman you guys. Get the ruler.
Me - This is meant to be a safe space to explore your sexual experiences and discuss if there is more you need from partner.
Hudson - I actually just need it to begin with.
Natia - <disappears and reappears a few seconds later brandishing a six inch ruler.>
Archan - Woman, I make you scream. Don’t wave that tiny stick at me.
Hudson - Right, is that for the freak over there. <Points at Zee>
Me - We need to get back on topic.
Zee - When you are ready to learn how to satisfy a woman, call me. 😉
Me - <Jumps up and points at Archan> You need to learn to not use sex to distract Natia and yourself from the bigger issues.
Archan - 🤨 What bigger issues?
Me - The apocalypse. <Points at Natia> And you, young lady, need to stop letting him. Take control. Tie him down and have your wicked way, it’s empowering and he’ll secretly enjoy it.
Natia - Technically I’m way way older than you, Adaline.
Me - You sure about that?
Natia - 😲
Me - <Points at Hudson> Stop trying to get in her panties and actual listen to Cora. Feel her heart, her soul, her love. When you stop trying to have sex, you’ll get it.
Hudson - Are you saying I have a one track mind?
Cora - You moved onto my property. That’s class A stalker behaviour.
Hudson - I did it to plug a weak spot on your property.
Cora - And I suppose you take midnight strolls outside my bedroom window for ‘security reasons’. 🙄
Hudson - I was patrolling the grounds. You were infiltrated by your own kind trying to murder you.
Cora - Then keep your eyes on the grounds and off my window as I prepare for bed.
Hudson - You could just shut the curtains.
Zee - Tease.
Me - Cora, it’s about time you let someone in. Stop clinging to the notion all men will hurt you.
Natia - 🥺
Cora - Fine, singles night at the house is in a few weeks. I’ll find a man.
Hudson - I’ll be there.
Cora - You’re not invited.
Zee - What’s your address, beautiful? ✍️
Me - And, Zee….
Zee - Yes, Adaline? 😘
Me - 🤦♀️ Everybody enjoys a flirt, but you need to find that special lady you want to dedicate all your flirting power to.
Zee - I don’t understand? You are suggesting I tie myself down?
Me - Yes.
Zee - No.
Me - Why not? I can write you a lovely woman.
Zee - Because all this <gestures down body> is too much for one woman. I want a harem.
Lily - dude, that’s my jam. Women aren’t interested in reading about one guy with lots of women. 🙄
Zee - Who the fu*k are you?
Natia - I thought she was like the refreshments chick or something?
Archan - Trust your mind to attribute the presence of a stranger to food delivery.
Cora - So who the hell are you?
Lily - 😏