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Who's calling who?

Text Message 1

Natia - So you know that unidentified body?

Zee - Which one?

Natia - There’s more than one?

Zee - Check the fridge.

Natia- ............. I can only see the fresh one.

Zee - Not the body fridge, the food fridge.

Duncan - Please tell me you didn’t put it in there.

Aaden - What did you do?

Zee - Wait for it.

Natia - WTF! 

Zee - One, nil.

Natia - You put severed leprechaun parts in with my lasagne leftovers!! You’re evil, pure evil.

Duncan - I’ll pick something up on my way over.

Duncan - Chinese or italian?

Duncan - Natia?

Natia - Don’t bother, I’ve picked out the bits and It’s making its merry way around the microwave now.

Aaden - That’s unsanitary.

Zee - She eats any meat.

Aaden - Not true, she doesn’t like lamb.

Zee - That’s not what I meant.... I was referring to (delete) you’re right, she doesn’t.

Aaden - Natia, are you talking about the demon with the horn?

Natia - Yes the unihorn.

Duncan - That’s not a thing.

Natia - It is now. 

Jed - Your eating leprechaun leftovers?

Natia - How did you get on the group chat?

Zee - I invited him.

Aaden - You didn’t clear that with me.

Jed - Don’t be mad, you can’t have the Scooby gang without shaggy. 

Natia - Buffy needs her Zander. 

Zee - I thought I was Zander?

Natia - Nope, you’re Spike.

Duncan - Here she goes.

Zee - Buffy and Spike end up together don’t they?

Natia - Eventually, but he’s a rebound from Angel.

Zee - I’ll take it. Who’s Giles?

Natia - Hang on...

Jed - Where’d she go?

Duncan - Natia, what’s wrong with the body?

Aaden - I’m in the Rec room. I’ll go find her.

Jed - Duncan, you are so Giles.

Duncan - I have no idea what you’re talking about.

Zee - Are you picking up food for the rest of us, or does princess Waterford get special treatment?

Duncan - The leprechaun wasn’t poisoned was it?

Natia - Stop stressing! I was going to ask why his heart was still beating.

Zee - Why was it still beating?

Natia - I don’t know.

Aaden - She cut it out. 

Zee - What? 

Natia - It’s fine I stored it with your beers.

Text Message 2

Archan - Your bodyguard is staring at me in a murderous manner. You need to get your delectable ass back to this meeting before I remove his eyes.

Natia - Who? zee.

Archan - The tall one with short hair and green eyes.

Natia - Don’t be making eyes at my bodyguard. He might get the wrong idea, and he’s a freak in bed.

Archan - You and him? When.

Natia - 🙄  That’s not what I meant.

Archan - He will die a long and painful death.

Natia - Ugh, put your penis back in your pants. I’m sure yours is bigger.

Archan - And how would you know that?

Natia - I don’t! It’s a guess because right now you are being  the bigger dick.

Natia - Stop staring at Archan he’s getting the wrong idea.

zee - He’s a dick

Natia - 🤦‍♀️ 

Text Message 3

Archan - Where are you? 

Natia - Out.

Archan - Could you be more specific?

Natia - Yes.

Archan - Tell me where you are.

Natia - Out.

Jed - I’m with her, she’s safe.

Natia - That’s debatable. 

Zee - Why do you want to know?

Archan - I need to speak with you.

Natia - Why you want to discuss how much your obbession with me crosses the border in stalker terrority?

Archan - If you are not careful I will take you over my knee and show you how far across the line I can go.

Jed - Way to bring it home bro.

Zee - This fits the kinky side of you doesn’t it Natia? 

Archan - I’ll show you a kinky side. (Delete). Just tell me where you are.

Archan - Natia? 

Natia - Ohh big boy, come and show me just how kinky you can be. My bare skin is begging for your hand print.

Archan - Really? (Delete.) Then tell me where you are.

Natia - I don’t think I could handle you. 

Archan - What? I thought you’d be bringing me to my knees.

Natia - I’d be the one on my knees

Archan - Jed give Natia her phone back.

Jed - I can’t she dancing.

Zee - With a guy.

Jed - Make it two. 

Text Message 4

Natia - Okay who moved my freak panties off the bed?

Aaden - Moved what?

Zee - Freak panties? 

Natia - Damn autocorrect. WHY THE HELL DOES MY PHONE KEEP CHANGING THE WORD FREAK TO FRESH? GRR YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN.

Jed - No need to get your panties in a twist

Zee - She doesn’t have any. 

Natia - If I have to come out of this room naked to find my freak panties I will shove them down your throat.

Zee - I’m really not sure where the threat is in that message.

Natia - You’re such a fresh. 

Jed - A what? 

Natia - You swapped the words fresh and freak in my phone somehow. 

Aaden - Ah, that’s why you wanted to know how to do it.

Archan - I have no understanding why you would messaging anyone about your fresh freak panties but me.

Natia - Fresh freak or freak fresh? 

Jed - The first one sounds like it you change your panties all the time.

Zee - Whilst the second suggests you rarely change them - so if they are fresh it’s freaky.

Natia - You are both fresh.

Archan - And you are pantiless, I will be there shortly.