Who's calling who?
Text Message 1
Natia - So you know that unidentified body?
Zee - Which one?
Natia - There’s more than one?
Zee - Check the fridge.
Natia- ............. I can only see the fresh one.
Zee - Not the body fridge, the food fridge.
Duncan - Please tell me you didn’t put it in there.
Aaden - What did you do?
Zee - Wait for it.
Natia - WTF!
Zee - One, nil.
Natia - You put severed leprechaun parts in with my lasagne leftovers!! You’re evil, pure evil.
Duncan - I’ll pick something up on my way over.
Duncan - Chinese or italian?
Duncan - Natia?
Natia - Don’t bother, I’ve picked out the bits and It’s making its merry way around the microwave now.
Aaden - That’s unsanitary.
Zee - She eats any meat.
Aaden - Not true, she doesn’t like lamb.
Zee - That’s not what I meant.... I was referring to (delete) you’re right, she doesn’t.
Aaden - Natia, are you talking about the demon with the horn?
Natia - Yes the unihorn.
Duncan - That’s not a thing.
Natia - It is now.
Jed - Your eating leprechaun leftovers?
Natia - How did you get on the group chat?
Zee - I invited him.
Aaden - You didn’t clear that with me.
Jed - Don’t be mad, you can’t have the Scooby gang without shaggy.
Natia - Buffy needs her Zander.
Zee - I thought I was Zander?
Natia - Nope, you’re Spike.
Duncan - Here she goes.
Zee - Buffy and Spike end up together don’t they?
Natia - Eventually, but he’s a rebound from Angel.
Zee - I’ll take it. Who’s Giles?
Natia - Hang on...
Jed - Where’d she go?
Duncan - Natia, what’s wrong with the body?
Aaden - I’m in the Rec room. I’ll go find her.
Jed - Duncan, you are so Giles.
Duncan - I have no idea what you’re talking about.
Zee - Are you picking up food for the rest of us, or does princess Waterford get special treatment?
Duncan - The leprechaun wasn’t poisoned was it?
Natia - Stop stressing! I was going to ask why his heart was still beating.
Zee - Why was it still beating?
Natia - I don’t know.
Aaden - She cut it out.
Zee - What?
Natia - It’s fine I stored it with your beers.
Text Message 2
Archan - Your bodyguard is staring at me in a murderous manner. You need to get your delectable ass back to this meeting before I remove his eyes.
Natia - Who? zee.
Archan - The tall one with short hair and green eyes.
Natia - Don’t be making eyes at my bodyguard. He might get the wrong idea, and he’s a freak in bed.
Archan - You and him? When.
Natia - 🙄 That’s not what I meant.
Archan - He will die a long and painful death.
Natia - Ugh, put your penis back in your pants. I’m sure yours is bigger.
Archan - And how would you know that?
Natia - I don’t! It’s a guess because right now you are being the bigger dick.
Natia - Stop staring at Archan he’s getting the wrong idea.
zee - He’s a dick
Natia - 🤦♀️
Text Message 3
Archan - Where are you?
Natia - Out.
Archan - Could you be more specific?
Natia - Yes.
Archan - Tell me where you are.
Natia - Out.
Jed - I’m with her, she’s safe.
Natia - That’s debatable.
Zee - Why do you want to know?
Archan - I need to speak with you.
Natia - Why you want to discuss how much your obbession with me crosses the border in stalker terrority?
Archan - If you are not careful I will take you over my knee and show you how far across the line I can go.
Jed - Way to bring it home bro.
Zee - This fits the kinky side of you doesn’t it Natia?
Archan - I’ll show you a kinky side. (Delete). Just tell me where you are.
Archan - Natia?
Natia - Ohh big boy, come and show me just how kinky you can be. My bare skin is begging for your hand print.
Archan - Really? (Delete.) Then tell me where you are.
Natia - I don’t think I could handle you.
Archan - What? I thought you’d be bringing me to my knees.
Natia - I’d be the one on my knees
Archan - Jed give Natia her phone back.
Jed - I can’t she dancing.
Zee - With a guy.
Jed - Make it two.
Text Message 4
Natia - Okay who moved my freak panties off the bed?
Aaden - Moved what?
Zee - Freak panties?
Natia - Damn autocorrect. WHY THE HELL DOES MY PHONE KEEP CHANGING THE WORD FREAK TO FRESH? GRR YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN.
Jed - No need to get your panties in a twist
Zee - She doesn’t have any.
Natia - If I have to come out of this room naked to find my freak panties I will shove them down your throat.
Zee - I’m really not sure where the threat is in that message.
Natia - You’re such a fresh.
Jed - A what?
Natia - You swapped the words fresh and freak in my phone somehow.
Aaden - Ah, that’s why you wanted to know how to do it.
Archan - I have no understanding why you would messaging anyone about your fresh freak panties but me.
Natia - Fresh freak or freak fresh?
Jed - The first one sounds like it you change your panties all the time.
Zee - Whilst the second suggests you rarely change them - so if they are fresh it’s freaky.
Natia - You are both fresh.
Archan - And you are pantiless, I will be there shortly.