This woman smells funny, not of death like the disgusting male I rode in on, but not of life either. She’s a conundrum, I should stay and ensure she doesn’t pose a threat.

She attempted to sell me immediately, I am not a feline to be manhandled. I explain this to her and she relented immediately. She’s a pushover.

I watch carefully as Cora discusses the dead with the vampire. He’s attractive as far as vampires go, he’s stealthy and slinks across the floor in a way a feline can appreciate. He throws knives at her, which she dodges, they don’t seem to be arguing though, maybe it’s a strange courtship ritual I’m not aware of? Either way she’s missing the point of the way to a man’s heart, it’s not through his brain or brawn, it’s through his stomach. I shall demonstrate.

She named me the white furry menace, so when danger arrives at the door, I ensure the intruder knows he will face my wrath should he try to enter. The pretty blonde vampire, and the dumb elemental sit on the floor whilst I demonstrate my superiority. The evil that lurks speeds off at the sight of me. There, now perhaps she’ll feed me freshly cooked chicken, the odd salmon too. After all, without me they’d be lost. How did they survive this long without me?

The wolf is clearly displeased with Cora, again she misses the fact that all males regardless of species, even smelly dogs, can be soothed with food. I shall demonstrate.

It’s Cora’s birthday, and she’s served the one clearly after her attentions, fruit. His beast ripples below the surface, like mine. Again, I will demonstrate the need to satisfy a male through his stomach. She glared at my offering, again. Apparently, you can’t teach stupid.